


and I breathe you into my heart

by zaynology



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-30
Updated: 2012-09-30
Packaged: 2017-11-15 09:03:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/525583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zaynology/pseuds/zaynology
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn likes to watch Liam exist, he likes to watch Liam breathe and move and be more than Zayn ever could be. What he doesn’t like, is knowing he can never have Liam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and I breathe you into my heart

To be completely honest, Zayn looks at Liam like the sun shines out of his ass. And if Zayn was to continue on his new honesty kick, he’d also tell Liam, his very best friend, that he believed the older man was his soul mate. But Liam was not just his soul mate, Liam was his everything. Liam was Zayn’s compass, pointing him north whenever Zayn wanted to lose himself in the currents he was constantly drowning in. And of course one would never be able to tell Zayn’s feelings for Liam were anything but platonic.

Liam was currently sleeping on Zayn’s chest, having fallen into slumber while watching Toy Story in their shared hotel suite. Zayn looked down at his love’s face between the wings that were his eyelashes; it almost hurt to see something so beautiful that he could not have. Zayn pressed a soft kiss to Liam’s forehead, lips quirking up at the end when his lips caressed Liam’s tender skin.

It was hard for Zayn to explain what he felt for Liam, what he wanted them to be. Liam was Zayn’s lungs, enabling him to breathe and continue to live on every day. And every time Liam looked a little too long at another girl, Zayn would feel his lungs constrict and he would grasp tightly at his chest cavity hoping for air to return. But this was futile, for so long as Zayn kept his feelings hidden, he would never really know what free air felt like, tenderly flicking along his insides. Zayn supposed he could live like that, but it was getting harder to breathe every day.

—-

The next day at a rehearsal for an upcoming show, Zayn was observing Liam getting fitted for his in ear piece. Zayn was staring so hard at the beautiful boy, that for a brief moment he actually believed that his eyes may pop out of their sockets. And for another brief moment the raven haired boy though that if it happened while he was gazing upon Liam, it would be alright.

“If you stare any harder at Daddy Direction mate, I may die myself of unrequited love.” Louis gazed at him, eyes tight and a tad squinted. Zayn didn’t spare his partner in crime another glance, still staring at Liam, visualizing all the things he could do to him, mostly cuddling. Zayn was really a sweetheart like that.

Liam waved at Zayn and walked off the stage to go over something with One Direction’s stylist and Zayn turned to face Louis now, noticing the smaller boy had worry lines etched into his face. Zayn ran a hand through his ebony colored, flattened hair, oddly stressed by the wave. He had opted for a grey beanie that day and mischievous Harry had took it an hour earlier, much to his chagrin.

“What makes you think its unrequited Louis?” Zayn’s voice contrasted with his character then, coming out soft and vulnerable, contrary to how he tried to make himself appear. Louis’ face crumbled just then and he gathered the thin, or slim depending how one views it, Zayn in his small arms. The darker skinned boy wasn’t going to cry, no, he just needed to hide for a small amount of time. Because if Liam was his lungs, Louis was the recesses of his mind. The hidden thoughts he would never dare to say out loud. Whispers telling him the things he should do, but would never dare too, too risky. Louis was cool warmth floating in his mind. This being said, you cannot hide in your head, not for long, and not around Liam.

“I don’t know if I can keep doing this to myself Louis. These feelings hurt too much and too often. Why doesn’t he see me?” Zayn’s voice rose to a higher pitch then, his eyes widening and slightly panicking. Louis grabbed his shoulders with both hands tightly and shook him once. Louis can hear Harry calling him from the other side of the building, his sensor for the curly headed boy blaring.

“Zayn! You always watch him but do you ever truly see him? This could all go away, don’t hide in your shell, love. You deserve the best; just let it come to you.” Louis cast him one more sad and wary glance before standing on tiptoes and planting a kiss to Zayn’s left cheekbone, feeling a brush of softness when the younger boy closes his eyes in response. Louis let it linger for a few seconds before running to find Harry.

Zayn stood there for a moment, reeling because of what Louis said. His hands flew to his temples and he clenched his eyes shut, exasperated. The tanned boy heaved a sigh, ignoring Paul’s call and went outside. He needed a smoke, really bad.

—-

Later that evening back at the hotel Zayn sat on the room’s balcony brooding, his favorite activity and smoking, another favorite. The pining boy heard a knock at his door and did not move, taking another long breath of the toxic fumes of his expensive cigarettes. All the band mates had a key, he wasn’t getting up for anyone, not even Liam, another lie he told himself. Yet he doesn’t have to get up, the door already opening a certain someone stepping in. Maybe he should be more careful he thinks as he exhales, the grey smoke mixing in with the blue night sky and swirling to meet with the stars. But he recognizes Louis’ footsteps, soft and fast on the plush hotel room carpet.

He doesn’t turn to look at Louis, waiting for the petite boy to plop down next to him on the lounge chair. Without waiting for an invitation Louis did just that, leaning his head on Zayn’s small and rounded shoulders. Zayn could feel the feathered haired boy’s warm breath being exhaled on his shoulder. Sometimes he wished that Louis was Liam so that everything would be easier and they could be this way forever. He explained this once to Louis who just chuckled once and then cooed at him for the next twelve hours. Anyway, Zayn loves Liam too much to even think about anyone else, more than he himself can even fathom.

“Hey Zaynie, I brought you some dinner.” Louis spoke to him softly, being, muffled when he pressed a soft kiss to the shoulder he was previously leaning on. Zayn muttered out appreciative thanks before taking on last nicotine puff and stabbing it out on the ashtray next to him. The boy with the quiff accepted the plate of various meats and vegetables from his friend, eating under watchful eyes. This continued for fifteen minutes, the silence interrupted by the noises of Louis’ mobile, more than likely Harry if Zayn could tell by the tiny smiles on Louis’ face. Zayn crumbled the paper plate before hearing another noise in back of him. Louis turned back first, smiling even wider when he saw Liam standing awkwardly in the doorway, shifting on both legs. Louis subtly squeezed Zayn’s thin wrist before getting up to leave, nodding at Liam as he exited.

“So um, do you want to watch a movie or talk or something?” Liam asked when Zayn turned to him, rubbing his hand on his neck like this was the first time they spent time alone together. Zayn nodded and gestured to the bed with his head. He began to get up slowly, afraid of being alone with the love of his life. He walked to his bed and sat on it, pulling off his boots nervously, feeling Liam’s eyes on him. Trying to avoid starting a conversation, he peeled off both pairs of socks to, flexing his toes in the fluff of the carpet. Finally Liam came to bed, not stretching himself on the opposite side like he usually did, he purposely sat straight up right next to Zayn, broad hands clenching to duvet. Zayn’s ribs pressed to Liam’s solid abs, he could feel Liam take a breath before exhaling.

“So. You know how I told you I had feelings for boys before back at X Factor right.”

Zayn’s lovely head shot straight up, not expecting gentle Liam to be that direct. He met Liam’s gaze and nodded slowly, his caramel eyes meeting with Liam’s mocha ones.

“Well,” Liam bit his lip. “I’m having these sorts of feelings again for another boy and that’s why I broke up with Danielle a few months ago. And this boy is so beautiful that I can’t even imagine that he would love me back. Sometimes he stares at me with love in his eyes but I can never tell if it’s a friendship love or if he wants to be more. He’s becoming distant with me and I just don’t know what to do anymore Zayn.” Liam clenches his hands tighter now.

Zayn just blinks; he fears his heart has stopped and that only Liam’s earth shattering words are keeping him here. Liam continues, slowly shattering Zayn’s heart.

“You know what Zayn. I’m pretty damn sure this boy likes me, even if it is just a little bit. But I’ve been waiting months for him to tell me, for him to even give me a clue. All he does is stare at me with his beautiful eyes looking like my mere presence is causing him excruciating pain. All the time now I feel like this boy is hurting because of me. All I want to do is love him, hold him so long that it hurts my arms and my heart. I want to be with him more than I have ever wanted anything and he just won’t let me have him. Do you know anything about this Zayn? Why won’t you love me? Why do you only look like Louis like he means something? Aren’t I good enough for you anymore?”

Liam was crying now, full blown tears, and head in his hands. His body was shaking as Zayn just sat there. A million thoughts flew through Zayn’s mind, first thinking he was dead, in some magical place where God took pity on him. However seeing his best friend/band member/soul mate/love of his life sitting in crying, the reality hit him. Zayn got down on one knee, gently pulling Liam’s strong hands away from his face. Liam looked at him desperately, his face red and blotchy from crying, tear tracks still on going.

“Liam, look at me, look at me now. Don’t you ever cry for me okay? And don’t you ever, ever think that I would put someone over you. You are the most important thing in my life. I have loved you since I saw your straightened hair on McDonald’s and heard your beautiful voice at the auditions. You’re the light to me darkness, I could not have done any of this without you. You’re so beautiful Liam, I can’t even believe this is happening right now, I’m probably not even making sense but it doesn’t matter. You are worth everything Liam. You light up my world like nobody else.”

Liam snuffled and giggled at Zayn’s last statement, he wiped his eyes and looked up at Zayn, his doe eyes looking impossibly big and his wet eyelashes plastered to his eyelids. “Really?” He asked, looking like a small puppy, much like he usually did.

Zayn beamed in that moment, his first real smile in weeks, as he had given up on his crush a month ago. Zayn swooped up to full height, towering over Liam, still sitting on the bed. Zayn smiled softly and tilted his head to meet the older boy’s, their lips trembling as they could feel each other’s breaths. Liam reached out and grabbed the back of Zayn’s head, bringing his soft lips to his own. Zayn could feel Liam pillaging his mouth with his tongue and eagerly met Liam’s enthusiasm. Liam leaned back further, using his elbows to back himself onto his bed. Zayn following him and soon the darker featured boy was leaning over him.

Zayn retracted from Liam’s firm grip and beamed down at him, his smile practically blinding his lover. Liam stared back and cupped Zayn’s face into his hand, stroking the younger’s defined bone structure with his thumb. Liam stretched up for a millisecond and quickly kissed the darker boy on his nose. Overwhelmed with love, Zayn surged forward into Liam’s neck planting it with kisses all the way down and up. He held his head in his neck and breathed out, “I love you Liam Payne.”

Liam stilled momentarily before attacking Zayn’s beaming face with his lips, instilling his love with physical movements. Zayn’s bare feet curled on Liam’s legs, accidentally pulling on the older boy’s leg hair, but Liam didn’t mind, they were shedding clothes now, hurried movements and heated glances. The two band mates, now something more, began to lose themselves again, finding each other.

—-

Later that night Zayn stared up at the tiled hotel ceiling, sweaty with a naked Liam clutching at his chest in deep sleep. He could breathe now.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first one shot and I hope you enjoy. I literally typed this in about two hours. And I just adore Zouis friendship. C:


End file.
